bullsh*#

My husband woke up this morning and said he was sore from riding the bull.  You heard  read correctly - sore from riding the bull.  No, he is not referring to some sex act we tried to spice up our sex life.  He actually rode a mechanical bull at our town’s Labor Day festival Pig Out in the Park.

I personally hate Pig Out.  It is crowded, the food is mediocre and there is never a place to sit.  Throw a couple toddlers into the mix and this is not the way I want to spend my long weekend.  More labor than fun.  

But my husband thinks it is great, so he took our two boys down there yesterday afternoon.

He was thrilled when he came home.   He sounded like one of the boys.

 ”Jane, Jane you’ll never guess what I did.  I rode a mechanical bull all the way to level 5 and it was free because I knew the guy.  Isn’t that great?!”

I didn’t share his enthusiasum.  My first thought were the kids.  Who was watching them while he was making an ass out of himself on a stupid bull?

His face fell when I asked him this - I don’t think it even crossed his mind that some pedophile could have nabbed our kids while he was having “the ride of his life”.

Ugh!!

Then he has the nerve to say that I should come up with a list of things he shouldn’t do when he leaves the house.  

So here is your list.  I’ll add to it as you do stupid things.

Things to remind my husband not to do when he goes out the door.

1.  Ride a mechanical bull

2.  Trust a “carny” to watch your kids when you make an ass out of yourself on the above bull.

3.  Go for a run in the heat of the day, come home exhausted, and be useless the rest of the day.

4.  Go for a 4 hour bike ride without bringing enough food and water so you don’t “bonk”.

These are recent transgressions.  I’ll add to the list when needed.

(This post was written a week ago - Steve still has bruises on his thighs.)

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